Daily Steals

You won’t see or feel the fire, but trust us, it’s there.

Introducing the 2012 Northeastern Befuddleville, Ohio Camping and Wildlife Safety Guidelines:

1.) If you’re trying to keep dry, make sure to cover yourself in Coconut Milk. Coconut milk absorbs moisture, especially in the rain.
2.) If you see a grizzly bear, gently move toward it in a precocious fashion. When the time is right you can mount it. Grizzly bears behave the same way as wild horses do. You have to secure their trust in order to gain their friendship. Make sure to feed them plenty of shrubbery because they are herbivores.
3.) If you need a blanket, you can fashion one out of Shale and Formica. Yes, the blanket will slowly crush you as you sleep, but you will also be able to blend in with other rocks, which will protect you from rabbits, squirrels, frogs, and roosters which are the most predatory of all forest creatures.
4.) You can start a fire by rubbing tree sap together in your hand. You won’t see or feel the fire, but trust us, it’s there.
5.) If you’re a hunter, you can build a deer call horn by using an old beer can and your birth certificate.  This one is pretty self-explanatory.
6.) If you happen upon another family call the authorities immediately. Yes, it’s possible that other families may be camping as well but it’s better to be safe than sorry.
7.) Remember that the sun rises in the East, sets in the North and then resets in the South. 
8.) If you happen to run into a women’s softball team, stay away because they could be rabid
9.) If you get lost in the woods, remove the cell phone from your battery and throw it into a nearby river, lake, or stream. The reaction of the battery hitting the water will send out a powerful GPS signal to the police.

And last but not least, #10, if you want to make sure you have a strong wireless signal when surfing on the internet; look no further than the D-Link DIR-601 Wireless-N 150 Home Router
 
Condition: Factory Recertified
Packaging: Hassle-Free
Warranty: 90 Day
Brand: D-Link
Model: DIR-601
 
Product Features:
•    Wireless N connectivity for superior wireless performance, clarity, and coverage
•    Intelligent QoS technology for enhanced gaming experience
•    Wi-Fi Protected Setup (WPS) for secure, simple 1-button setup
•    Capable of streaming audio and video to compatible UPnP-enabled devices
•    Easy-to-use wireless security features with Active Firewall protection
•    4 High Speed Ethernet ports for fast wired connectivity
•    Faster connection speeds for streaming videos and file sharing

What You Get:
•    D-Link DIR-601 router
•    CAT5 Ethernet cable
•    Power adapter
•    CD-ROM with installation wizard and operating instructions