How to Survive the Super Bowl
This Sunday, more than 100 million Americans will unbuckle their pants and consume 8 million pounds of guacamole. New Year’s diet resolutions will break, coastal rivalries will rekindle, and Beyoncé fans will celebrate. You can’t expect much less from the year’s biggest televised event of the year - The 47th Super Bowl (for those who can’t decipher Roman numerals), will bring together football fans and non-fans alike this year in the name of 15 minutes of game time and most importantly, a legitimate excuse to eat seven-layer dip.
Unfortunately, athletic hyper-fanaticism and unbridled gluttony come at a price. And until the White House approves our petition to make the Monday after Super Sunday an official holiday, here are a few guidelines to maximize your watching experience and minimize your post-game regrets.
Watch the commercials. Sure, the game is important, but the scenes you really want to remember are the commercials. They’re the bits that’ll pepper water cooler conversation a week after the game is over. And with the record-breaking $4 million invested into their respective productions this year, we’re sure they’ll be more like mini-films.
Exercise pre-game. As the second biggest day of eating next to Thanksgiving, Sunday’s bound to upset a few scales. We’ve heard a light jog before feasting helps induce higher metabolism. It’ll also make the feast a more guilt-free experience.
- Pee during the game. Come halftime, you’ll be joining a quarter of America in a flushing marathon. Sneak a washroom visit between plays and you’ll save yourself the worry of missing out on television’s most expensive 30-second spots (See #1).
Finally, to all the New Yorkers tuning in: Save the real emotions and gastric capacity for next year. NYC/NJ is set to host 2014’s first outdoor, cold-weather Superbowl.